Evil twins

Ugh. According to THR, there's going to be an Archie musical, written by Anchorman writer-director (and Funny or Die co-founder) Adam McKay. The dude has an impressive résumé, but I don't care: as far as I'm concerned, Archie is an un-salvageable property, unless the musical ends with Betty and Veronica realizing that their inexplicable infatuation with a boy who looks like the high-school age version of Mad magazine's Alfred E. Neuman is actually the result of A) drugs, B) hypnosis, or C) sorcery, and joining forces to kill whoever is responsible.