A sex scene that includes the word "wubbering" should win automatically.

Sadly, neither E.L. James nor J.K. Rowling have made the shortlist for the Literary Review's annual Bad Sex Award. Rowling's writing was described as containing a "couple of queasy moments", but overall judged to be too good, and intentionally pornographic/erotic literature is excluded, so that meant James's series was out.

The eight books that did make the cut are pretty amazing, though. The article linked above contains excerpts, which... well, read them before lunch, is all I'm saying.