The Once and Future Sweet Valley High

I would like to think that this is an April Fools' joke, but, sadly, it's still March.


With typical elegance and restraint, Gawker is reporting that the Sweet Valley High books have been updated. (See: "Random House Proudly Promoting Eating Disorders".) According to the linked memo, Random House has given the blonde, beautiful, unlucky-in-love Wakefield twins a full 21st century makeover. Elizabeth is now a blogger and the editor of her school's website, the twins drive a Jeep Wranger (wouldn't socially responsible Elizabeth drive something a little more fuel-efficient?), and both girls are now thinner: they've been updated from a grotesquely fat "perfect size 6" to a much more reasonable "perfect size 4".

While the size four thing is totally gross, I think the Gawker headline is unfair. Random House is trying to promote a series that was actually pretty wholesome: the original Sweet Valley High books were like a PG-rated soap opera. They were plenty stupid, but they didn't have the meaningless sex, rampant brand-whoring, or extreme social backstabbing so prevalent in today's Gossip Girl-influenced publishing industry. I'm not saying I approve of the choices Random House has made, but I'm reserving judgment... at least until Jessica (now a full-blown alcoholic) gets drunk and sleeps with Elizabeth's boyfriend, and Elizabeth gets her revenge by publishing X-rated pictures of Jessica on her blog. If that happens, Gawker can write whatever they want with my full support.

[Via BuzzSugar]