Ugh times a million

I've been struggling to choose what makes me the angriest about Simon & Schuster's decision to pay Milo Yiannopoulos (editor of Breitbart Tech, alt-right pundit, and all-around racist asshole) what Yiannopoulos described as "a wheelbarrow full of money" for his upcoming book, Dangerous, and I think I've finally figured it out: it's Simon & Schuster's pious statement about why we shouldn't judge their decision to publish this tool's extra toolish-looking book. Behold:

"We do not and never have condoned discrimination or hate speech in any form. At Simon & Schuster, we have always published books by a wide range of authors with greatly varying, and frequently controversial, opinions, and appealing to many different audiences of readers.

While we are cognizant that many may disagree vehemently with the books we publish, we note that the opinions therein belong to our authors, and do not reflect either a corporate viewpoint or the views of our employees, and request that readers withhold judgment until they have had a chance to read the actual contents of the book."

Oh, please. Publish whatever you want, but don't act like the contents of Yiannopoulos's book are some kind of mystery. Let me fix that for you:

"If the 2016 election proved anything, it's that pandering to the alt-right pays off. Milo Yiannopoulos, despite his overly juvenile hairstyle and general grossness, seems to realize that, and we here at Simon & Schuster would also like to get our hands on some of that sweet white-rage money. But don't judge us, because judging = censorship, and censorship kills bald eagles.

You're welcome.