No, thanks.

Yeah, this is never gonna happen: according to THR, Televisa USA (creator of Lifetime's Devious Maids) has acquired the TV and digital rights to Anne Rice's best-selling Sleeping Beauty trilogy. The article indicates that they're hoping to turn the books into a Fifty Shades of Grey-esque TV series, but if Wikipedia isn't leading me astray, this isn't a blush-inducing fantasy about a consensual BDSM relationship, but a drawn-out parade of sexual violence that opens with the heroine being "awakened" via rape. I understand it's all supposed to be high-minded literary metaphor, but how on earth would they rework that for TV? When would it air—3:00 AM? And who would buy the advertising slots?

Frankly, I've always found Rice's labored attempts at being shocking (like the incest in her Mayfair Witches series) to be more boring than horrifying. She might picture herself as a modern Pauline Réage, but she's always struck me as having a lot in common with the grocery-store soapiness of V.C. Andrews.